Photos throughout this post attempt to reflect the many
happenings since the beginning of the year, throughout my last semester of
dental school.
The Eshleman family
has been a bridge of support spanning professional and congregational
involvement.
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The surreal conclusion of my dental training (which has felt
like a whirlwind of tying loose ends and planning transitions) has compelled me
to reflect on my experience during the past 4 years. Various awards recognizing
endeavors that I didn’t necessarily feel encouraged to pursue (or was even
challenged for pursuing) make me question how I fit (or stretched) the mold of
being a dental student. In an anthology on vocation that I’ve slowly waded
through during the past year, one of the authors talks about the diverse ways
in which we might describe our own stories and suggests that it is not so much
the choices that we make but rather what we make of those choices that helps us
tell our story in healthy and meaningful ways. The best word that I can use in
hind sight to describe the choices that I have made as a dental student is prodigal. To me, this adjective suggests
two useful meanings. The exact word describes spending resources freely or
being recklessly extravagant. The root of the word—whether by linguistic intent
or coincidence—is also that of the word prodigy,
which describes one endowed with exceptional qualities or an amazing/unusual
thing that is out of the ordinary course of nature. The tone of this discussion
is not one through which I’d like to take deep pleasure or satisfaction in my
achievements but rather that which may reflect on reality in the mood of the
philosophical essayist Ecclesiastes (7:8) as he suggests “The end of a matter
is better than its beginning; a patient spirit is better than a proud spirit.”
So let’s take the latter word, prodigy, first. It did not remain a secret for long to those with
whom I worked closely that I began dental school at age 19…My tight-knit alma
mater had written on several occasions about this (December 2011, October 2012, January 2014)
and the large university from which I have recently departed also took public
notice (May 2016). The novelty even
spread to the Richmond Magazine and recruited a deeper explanation (June 2016),
as I moved away from the city. I can’t deny that my path has been a bit out of
the ordinary and expedited compared to my peers, but I have also sought to understand
my unique trajectory in a way that portrays deeper meaning. I was prompted to capture
a bit of this after a peculiar dream about which I wrote at the start of the
year for the church newsletter that I was tasked with editing for a term
(February 2016). With all the citations referring to this term, I will not
further dwell on its relevance.
We celebrated my mom’s
50th birthday a bit early as I would be out of the country when her
actual birthday came around. Her cheerfulness and skillful hosting made our
celebration of her a delight.
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Regarding the word prodigal,
I believe that it describes in part the way in which I have approached the
opportunity of obtaining doctoral level education in dentistry. I have lavishly
“spent” the platform to develop my skills, experience, and network in the
specific niches of the field of oral health about which I am most passionate
and in the trajectory towards which I anticipate moving forward. This striving
to balance developing as a competent and compassionate oral healthcare
professional with pursuing a well-rounded experience to inform who I already am
and who I aim to becomes was not outlined within the curriculum, so one can
imagine the sometimes awkward ways in which I reached beyond what seemed to be
the priority in my professional development. Lest I keep on repeating myself without
gaining much more clarity, I’ll recruit several quotes from a book I’ve read
recently by Tracy Kidder (Mountains
Beyond Mountains) about Paul Farmer, a doctor who had similar
determinations about his career development (even if more exaggerated than my
own):
“Medical education
does not exist to provide students with a way of making a living, but to ensure
the health of the community. Physicians are the natural attorneys of the poor,
and the social problems should largely be solved by them” (pg 63).
“Farmer was probably
fortunate—certainly he thought so—to have done some work in anthropology and
medicine and public health in Haiti before he studied those disciplines at
Harvard. He had a gift for academic pursuits, but Haiti ensured that his taste
for them would be limited” (pg 84).
“Early on certain
professors at the medical school had taken a shine to Farmer and licensed his
unorthodox habits of attendance. And, as the years went on, they and others
would protect him from the enemies and rules of academia. Lives of service
depend on lives of support. He’d gotten help from many people” (pg 108).
“It seemed to me that
he didn’t have a plan for his life so much as he had a pattern” (pg 260).
“This [doctoring in
remote Haitian huts] matters to him, I think—to feel, at least occasionally
that he doctors in obscurity, so that he knows he doctors first of all because
he feels it’s the right thing to do…If you do the right thing well, you avoid
futility…Doctoring is the ultimate source of his power, I think” (pg 295).
“There is all the
difference in the world between passively witnessing misery and witnessing
people at work trying to relieve misery” (pg 308).
Changing of the guards at the executive palace of Athens. |
Visiting the Acropolis (that I mistakingly called the Colosseum at first!) put some of my Biblical and Western understandings into perspective of their ancient sources. |
An island boat tour to enjoy the weekend in Greece. |
This island has such a steep elevation gradient that only mules/horses are used to transport people/goods. |
Beautiful Greek island landscape with poppies. |
Though the conference center was on the shore of the sea, I only got to dip my toes in on the last afternoon. |
It was heartening to find resonance with the above quotes
while I grappled with creating a more integrated account of my dental school
experience. Like Farmer, I did not enter the health professions for the comfortable
salary or esteemed quality of life; I was attracted to the opportunity to take
part in all the intricate but usually solvable problems (of both individuals
and communities) within which oral healthcare might utilize my participation.
My health professions training was primed by an undergraduate foundation that informed
both intellectual and vocational pursuit in the way that my individual actions contributed
to the common good, affirming the worldview in which I was raised in scholarly
and professionally practical ways. Both my 4 month internship in Honduras and
Peru and applying for and receiving the National Health Service Corps
Scholarship immediately prior to beginning dental school defined the scope of
dental training that I would seek. I don't deny that I enjoy and am fairly
successful at scholarly pursuits, though I usually crave practical application
to meet specific oral health needs--especially those of vulnerable populations.
Within the first semester of dental school, I acknowledged that I would no
longer be the “straight A” student that I was accustomed to being if I was
going to pursue other activities that I felt were important to my professional
and personal development. Shonda Rhimes, in her talk titled My Year of Saying YES to Everything,
questions, “If the song of my heart ceases to play, can I survive in the
silence?” She describes a certain hum that sounds when she’s fully enjoying her
work and claims that at these moments “you can’t help but strive for greatness
at any cost.” Being at least somewhat aware of this kind of hum throughout my
first year of dental school and recognizing the need for a pivotal decision to
sustain it, I took solace that following summer in a song that echoed the motivating
source of my choices (those I hoped would lead to a meaningful career). Though
the song titled, The Summons,
lingered at the forefront of many daily tasks for several weeks, I am glad to
have preserved a particularly still moment when it dominated my thinking on a
rainy June evening walk (the pattering of the rain and song of the birds in the recording help me re-join my almost-D2 self under the umbrella). I knew that I
was already knee deep in the start of a prodigal
trajectory to my training and the song authorized my courageous persistence
in it. The bolded words of the lyrics below stood out to me especially:
Will you come and follow me if I but call your name?
Will you go where you
don’t know and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown, will you let my name be
known?
Will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?
Will you leave
yourself behind if I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind and never be the same?
Will you risk the
hostile stare, should your life attract or scare?
Will you let me answer prayer in you and you in me?
Will you let the blinded see if I but call your name?
Will you set the prisoners free and never be the same?
Will you kiss the
leper clean, and do such as this unseen?
And admit to what I mean in you and you in me?
And admit to what I mean in you and you in me?
Will you love the you
you hide if I but call your name?
Will you quell the
fear inside and never be the same?
Will you use the
faith you’ve found to reshape the world around?
Through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?
Lord your summons echoes true when you but call my name.
Let me turn and follow you and never be the same.
In your company I’ll
go, where your love and footsteps show.
Thus I’ll move and
live and grow in you and you in me.
The retirement of Dr. Eshleman from his part-time career at the dental school was celebrated in conjunction with senior send-off activities. |
My mom and niece prepared some Russian sweets to bring along to Richmond when I came to pick her up for the weekend. |
My mom and I had a grand time preparing a Russian meal for about 100 people to thank the congregation, faculty, and community acquaintances that have supported me throughout my dental school tenure.
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After the long day of preparing for the gratitude luncheon, my two moms (foremost and my adopted Richmond mom) and I enjoyed gelato that had become a Richmond favorite for special occasions.
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Thus, I negotiated with my “star-student” self a standard for
being able to treat my future patients well, whether or not the grading
criteria represented this. I reluctantly and uncomfortably learned to be
content with experiencing a new position of being the “average” or “above
average” student as far as the grading scale was concerned. It was fairly
fortunate that several professors and colleagues outside of the walls of my
academic institution recruited my interests, expanding my learning community
and the positive feedback that I could receive in ways beyond academic rank. My
clinical group leader fairly quickly recognized my strong work ethic (that I
was fully present and busy when on campus and took leave only to present at
professional conferences or go on service trips) and supported my co-curricular
and extra-curricular endeavors within the capacity of his position; he was very
pleased to mention during my last semester of dental school that the little busy
bee in his group was the top revenue producer of the class and had set a new
record for the pre doctoral clinic’s history, both despite being away from
campus for more sessions than any other student. One professor once observed
that I “march to the rhythm of [my] own drum.” I am relieved that this rhythm
had yielded some comforting results to both me and my overseers—namely that I had
indeed developed into a competent and compassionate clinician (my intentions
were always earnest but positive outcomes weren’t necessarily guaranteed). Pursuing
various partnerships in research, service, and leadership locally and abroad
without the aim of gaining attention or approval, I quietly found personal
affirmation and meaning in my unconventional scholarly pursuits both when they
were challenged as well as when they were tolerated (or recognized by various
awards as is the case at the conclusion of my dental training).
Thus, when I consider my choices, I fully own them (both the
wise ones as well as the extravagantly foolish ones). They have led me to explore,
learn, fail, despair, achieve, rejoice, question, discover, and above all
develop professionally and personally in ways I never could have imagined or
planned. Recalling Ruth Chang’s TedTalk on How
to Make Hard Choices, I write the story of my own life when I confidently
represent what I stand for and what kind of person I aim to become by choosing
each step of a distinct pathway with reasons that come from inside of myself
rather than those imposed on me by others’ expectations.
A song I had encountered at the beginning of the final year
of dental school (another pivotal moment when I needed to discern the next step
to follow graduation) helped me to be more bold with my decision to pursue
residency training in Dental Public Health and Geriatric & Special Needs
Dentistry as a continuation of the kind of career which I’d already begun in
dental school. Several people during my time in Richmond have nicknamed me “the
amazing Lyubov,” so it was appropriate that the song was titled “It’s Amazing.”
The music video definitely suggests a vocational slant to the song (words that
stood out to me especially are bolded):
Do it now, you know
who you are
You feel it in your heart and you’re burning with ambition
But first wait, won’t get it on a plate
You’re gonna have to
work for it harder, and harder
And I know, ‘cuz I’ve been there before
Knocking on the doors with rejection
And you’ll see, ‘cuz if
it’s meant to be
Nothing can compare
to deserving your dreams
It’s amazing, it’s
amazing
All that you can do
It’s amazing, makes my heart sing
Now it’s up to you!
Patience now, frustrations in the air
And people who don’t
care; well, it’s gonna bring you down
And you’ll fall; yes,
you will hit a wall
But get back on your
feet and you’ll be stronger and smarter
And I know, ‘cuz I’ve been there before
Knocking down the
doors, won’t take NO for an answer
And you’ll see, ‘cuz if it’s meant to be
Nothing can compare to deserving your dreams
It’s amazing, it’s amazing
All that you can do
It’s amazing, makes my heart sing
Now it’s up to you!
Don’t be embarrassed, don’t be afraid
Don’t let your dreams slip away
It’s determination
and using your gift; everyone has a gift
Never give up, never let it die
Trust your instincts, most of the time
You have nothing to
lose, so just go for it!
It’s amazing, it’s amazing
All that you can do
It’s amazing, makes my heart sing
Now it’s up to you!
Last Lewis family outing for gelati...memories of the outings for celebrations, during snow storms, or simple quiet summer nights will be cherished just as the yummy treat remembered. |
My dear General Practice Group 1...celebrating our journey. |
I'm so glad my parents were able to attend the hooding ceremony as the one's who made it all feasible! |
Co-celebrating my graduation with my sister's hooding ceremony in Nurse Midwifery. |
I can certainly deny having arrived at any comfortable
conclusion to the trajectory I began in dental school, though I have tried to
coherently trace its development to this point. I can only conclude as I began
to say that humility is better than pride, just as the end of dental school
than its beginning. I enjoy the stillness of South Asian culture during a one
month term to properly reflect on a passing phase of my life and remain
encouraged by the aforementioned song and all the ways in which I’ve grown
since singing it that rainy evening.
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