Vocation vs. livelihood and my research lab postulancy

I moved to my new home at the start of May (in the midst of exam week) and have enjoyed hearing the reassuring hum of the nearby trains, making their daily circuits.

May and June rushed by as the end of spring semester flowed into a fast-paced summer session. I enjoyed moving to stay in the home of older friends whose children are off to college/work and visiting the homes of those with whom I attend church to help out with spring home projects (I was also grateful for their generosity in supporting my impending service trip to Jamaica). Constructing and teaching a five-week introductory organic chemistry workshop for a small group of undergraduate pre-health professional students reminded me how much I missed tutoring/mentoring and made me wonder if teaching might someday become more than a summer job. I was eager to begin my studies in the program of Gerontology with a course in Geropharmacology (I think the geriatric world has enchanted me!). Visiting a national leader on health literacy (especially oral health), I was challenged to consider a career in Public Health Dentistry as an academic. Returning for a second summer to work in the microbiology lab, I evaluated my long-term fitness for scientific research. Attending pathology class every morning with my dental classmates, I wondered how my current involvements might channel together in the coming years. These experiences have prompted the following two rabbit trails of thought.

I enjoyed visiting the University of Maryland School of Public Health at the start of June. I was surprised to pass a campus farm while searching for the right building...I think this school is on to something!

I joined some friends for a cookout in Ashland. Rooster, the grazing horse, was very friendly and gracious in allowing us to share his space for our fire.

Vocation vs. livelihood

One of my older friends often says that youth is the time in which one must discern where to go, with whom, and how. In trying to perceive what the majority of my adult life might entail, I’ve wondered about the difference between vocation (a calling: finding or putting meaning into one’s career) and livelihood (simply doing a job well in exchange for life’s necessities). Are these mutually exclusive from each other, depending on your given stratum of opportunity? Or is one of them a mythical illusion? In my naivety, I stubbornly cling to the existence of a vocation; I refuse to accept the idea of spending almost every day of my life doing something meaningless. In striving to recognize my special niche, I speculate whether my vocation will be a balance (simultaneous involvement in a blended assortment of my interests), a progression (focusing on one interest and transitioning through others over time), or a coincidence of the two. It would be nice to pursue my current involvements with these realities unveiled, but Soren Kierkegaard aptly noted: “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must it must be lived forward.”

Across the street from the emergency room and the dental school is an enclosed garden that suggests a 'getaway' feel from the rest of the busy medical campus.

Postulancy in a microbiology research lab

When I found myself scanning images in the dark microscopy room late at night and dozing off between scans the next morning, I recalled researchers’ comments about the sleep they didn’t get due to grant deadlines and speaking arrangements. When leaving the lab with a heavy feeling akin to guilt from the uncertainty of adding cells to a certain plate (knowing that the next day’s growth would reveal the omission), I wondered about a spiritual devotion that may come with scientific research. Hearing investigators talk about “elegant experiments” and doing “pure science,” I came to the realization (which might exist at least in part) that scientific research is a form of asceticism, a form of post-modern monasticism. Knowing that there is a process for entering a monastery, I investigated the various levels of belonging and was able to draw some parallels (I hope that I am reporting accurate information on this process). A layperson can enter a monastery for several weeks as an observer, where he/she might learn about what life there is like. If interest in monastic life emerges, one can become a postulant for several months, trying out a life committed to monasticism. If not scared off by the work and traditions of monastic life, one commits to life in the monastery as a novice, doing much of the work but also being involved in prayer/study. After some time of being an exceptional novice, group discernment may promote one to become a junior, who spends less time working and more time in prayer/study and leading others at the monastery.

It’s not surprising that any organized group (including a research lab) should follow a similar structure. I found myself relating to the position of postulant, investing myself in the lab more than an observer but not quite committing as a novice. It was telling for me to recognize being bogged down in the techniques and procedures of doing science. Perhaps because of all my other involvements, I did not often sit down to study my results and seek out what they might mean for the theory of science. The Principle Investigator of the lab, on the other hand, is very familiar with every lab member's project but only takes up the pipette to do wet lab work once in a while. Being a proponent of active discipling after Jesus, I strive to connect my actions with my beliefs, but see that I’ve not done exactly that in the research lab (focusing more on the techniques while neglecting to appreciate the theoretical essence of science). I was privileged to hear Dr. Peter Dawson speak almost a week ago at a dental conference and appreciated the contrast he made between success and significance/purpose. I am grateful for my “postulancy” in the research lab but will allow others that are able to bring significance and purpose to successful lab work to continue the important work while I continue pursuing my passions elsewhere.

Clouds move in on a stormy Thursday afternoon. With tornado warnings, an organic chemistry workshop was canceled for the evening but microscope image analysis proceeded on the ninth floor of a medical school research building. The Children's Hospital construction site must have collected a lot of water during the storm.

I purchased a mandolin several weeks ago and aim to gain proficiency during the remaining month of my summer break. I look forward to serving in Jamaica for two weeks starting this Saturday and will eagerly report on the trip as well as a cycling/camping tour in New York. I'll be returning to a fall semester at the dental school before I know it!

It was very comforting to return to the Valley after completing my Part I National Dental Board Exam. The city of Harrisonburg continues to blossom in diversity of people, something I've missed while living in Richmond.