Sustaining my song...with the help of a few soundtracks

I pause to acknowledge that half my third year of dental training will be complete in a week! As my 22nd birthday came to pass several weeks ago, it began to dawn on me that I have just 18 months left in the dental training chapter of my life. As I flipped through past entries on this weblog (particularly the unrushed reflections during my internship in Latin America) I was amazed at the tenacity with which those experiences have been guiding my pursuits since. I aim to seek meaning in my efforts (rather than comfort) but often question my intentions when met with competing interests or situations that elevate values towards which I do not strive. It is encouraging to know that my past experiences are subconsciously supporting my purposeful ventures. Especially during weeks that seem to spin on fast forward with circuitous efforts, I've found the below tunes relevant and hope you'll enjoy the snippets that have stuck out to me. Included are also photos from the past months' endeavors.

The Dean of our dental school stopped by my poster during the ADA/DENTSPLY Student Clinician Research Program poster presentation competition at the San Antonio, TX American Dental Association meeting in October. It was a privilege to represent VCU and meet dental student researchers from other dental schools. The alumni of SCADA (many of whom are prominent dental researchers or clinicians) were also a pleasure to interact with.
I have thoroughly enjoyed the experience of microbiology research and presenting at professional organizations. What a fortunate thing it was to have Dr. Todd Kitten (my stellar PI) interview me at a time when I was an avid undergrad researcher seeking to continue scientific inquiry while a dental student!

Father and Son (Cat Stevens): I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy to be calm when you've found something going on. But take your time, think a lot. Why, think of everything you've got. For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams my not. <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdMPuMeTxzY>

Two classmates (with one of whom I share a diploma from EMU) received notice of the NHSC Scholarship Program award this fall. I am very pleased to have NHSC colleagues in each class and hope that we motivate others to commit the beginning of their careers to providing care to underserved populations!

Dying to Live (Yusuf/Cat Stevens): So I'll keep fighting to live till there's no reason to fight. And I'll keep trying to see until the end is in sight. You know I'm trying to give, so c'mon give me a try. You know I'm dying to live until I'm ready to die. <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yq8BJX0GhgI>

I celebrated my 22nd birthday at the Halfway House (historic bed and breakfast between Richmond and Petersburg) with two who I've come to relate to as my adopted grandparents (though also mentors and good friends).

Answer For (Jon Troast): When you feel like you're unstoppable...and what's done is done. When someone tries to define you with their own intentions, do I need to remind you to pay no attention? Don't worry if it isn't true, cuz' the only one you're gonna answer for is you. <http://www.amazon.com/Answer-For/dp/B0054DP15W>

Know So Much (Jon Troast): Seems these days, there so much to remember, always something on your mind. So many things to do, but chasing after them, you're running out of time. You don't need to know so much, you don't need to do it all. The world is an open door, sometimes it feels more like a wall. You're trying to hold it up, and I'm waiting for it to fall...you don't need to know so much. <http://www.amazon.com/Know-So-Much/dp/B006PL4QJY>

Beignets, a traditional New Orleans donut treat

Over This Mountain (Jon Troast): I've been walking since I knew how, didn't know what for. I've lost track of the steps I took, but I keep taking more.
Somewhere over this mountain, I'm gonna find a place to land. When I've walked through this valley, I'm gonna hold up my hands. And when I'm standing on the rock that won't let me fall, I'll say, "Oh my, oh my: look at it all!"
Some people try to bring me down; they say it's just a dream. But I'm not listening, cuz' I still believe!
I've been taking steps for years now, my feet are tired and somehow I need to rest my mind. Something's waiting for me...standing on the shore of the world (that I can't seem to find).
Somewhere over this mountain, I'm gonna find a place to land. <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A73wwEwzSvM>

The Longest Time (Jon Troast): Nobody has ever been too ready for something that meant the world. Nobody is ever prepared too much waiting for something they love.
So she waits by the window, keeping her lamp lit every night. While all the shadows dance, she keeps staring at the door. Until one night it opens, standing before her in the light: the one she was waiting for, questions her, "Were you expecting me?" She says, "For the longest time!"
Why won't she find some sort of remedy so she won't have to hold on? Does she know something that we all don't. Is she sure that he's coming home? <http://www.amazon.com/The-Longest-Time/dp/B001A5WHJQ>

Boris Lushniak, the acting surgeon general, reflected on his parents' journey from Ukraine into New Orleans. The opening session of the American Public Health Association challenged the thousands of public health practitioners gathered. When Hubert Humphrey was quoted, I was reminded why I felt so much in step with what APHA stands for: "The moral test of a government is how it treats those who are at the dawn of life, the children those who are in the twilight of life, the aged; and those who are in the shadows of life, the sick, the needy and the handicapped." There aren't too many places that will encourage one to nurture your passion and link it to a purpose as part of developing a career.

Isabel Wilkerson reminded us of the racial caste system that had been an accepted norm of the American South for so many years. "Citizens had to flee their birth land to be recognized as citizens of their own country...they were seeking political asylum within the borders of their own country." She suggested, as one theme from her book, that a moment of departure and a migrational journey are at the heart of each young person's existence.  

A prominent and devoted member of the Oral Health Section introduces presenters during one of the sessions. I realized that I missed treating patients in the clinic while away for three days but also hope to stay connected through research and scholarship to passionate professional organizations like the APHA to rekindle my inspiration to improve oral health for all, particularly the vulnerable.

Deep Breath (Jon Troast): There is a song inside of me: gloria, gloria. I sing it every time I breath: gloria, gloria.
Take a deep breath, remember the feeling. The miracle lies in the fact that you're breathing. The harder you try, the more you're just doin' your own thing. Why don't you relax, not get something done. Feel every breath as it fills up your lungs. Each one is a gift: take every one in the moment.
Look in the mirror. Stare at your face. I'm sure there are things you wish you could erase, but if they weren't there it'd still be your reflection. Cuz' nobody else has a face like yours. Without speaking a word, it says so much more about being unique; baby, it's all there for a reason.
Well, I can't help but sing with every breath...it's not what I do, but who I am that says it best.
When you think what defines you is your line of work; how much you get done determines your worth. You feel like you're running in circles for no good reason. Look in the mirror and smile at yourself; take a deep breath and hope that it helps you stop for a while: know that you're loved as you're breathing! <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1D5-K5blvY>

As I napped during my flight from Texas to the east coast, I opened my eyes to this sight. During the several seconds that I was reorienting myself in time and space (feeling somewhat of an urgency to do so), I also captured a sense of comfort in the ambiguous here and now, letting the warm colors of the sky keep me still in the moment. I was reminded of a recent suggestion that physics has come to prove the relativity of time and space, hinting at God's omnipresence and that we are to experience him in all things, everywhere. In The Spacious Heart, co-authored by a former instructor from my alma mater, Don Clymer affirms that "the present is where the temporal meets the eternal; we find God in the present. This makes the present holy. This is why it is important to be present to the now, to the holy, to God" (pg 59-60). I was grateful to experience that moment of comfort as I journeyed from a conference that left many unsettling impressions and back to midterm exams amidst a busy semester.

Not This Battle (Jon Troast): I wasn't made to fight, not this battle: it's just hollywood (a ballgame) not the things that matter. Like the orphans and the widows, the crippled and the crooks...they need me more than the TV (home team) ever could.
I spend all my energy on stuff that won't affect a thing. It's time for me to stand up and step into the rink! Cuz' I was made to fight, but not this battle... <http://www.amazon.com/Not-This-Battle/dp/B001GU8Q6S>

As I assisted with a community Thanksgiving dinner for the Church Hill Activities and Tutoring program, I continued to ponder how I might offer my daily living (not just clinical practice, research, or scholarship) in service. I have been considering a renting arrangement in Highland Park for the past several months in which I'd serve as a host/mentor to a high school graduate in vocational school or first two years of college through a local program called Change the World RVA. The discussions may become reality at the turn of the year or in the coming spring.

Vienna (Billy Joel): But you know that when the truth is told, that you can get what you want or you can just get old.
Slow down, you're doing fine. You can't be everything you want to be before your time.
You've got your passion, you've got your pride, but don't you know that only fools are satisfied. Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true. <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZdiXvDU4P0> 

Movin' Out (Billy Joel): And it seems such a waste of time. If that's what it's all about..Mama, if that's movin' up, then I'm movin' out!
..You can pay Uncle Sam with the overtime. Is that all you get for your money? And if that's what you have in mind...Yeah, if that's what you're all about, good luck movin' up, cuz' I'm movin' out! <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8buJ2-oD02E>

Traveling to Harrisonburg after morning clinic the day before Thanksgiving was a a bit more interesting with the heavy flurries. I enjoyed sledding with my nieces in the 6-8 inches that my hometown received for the holiday weekend.

Storm Comin' (Wailin' Jennys): When that storm comes, don't run for cover...no, there ain't no use in runnin'
When that rain falls, let it wash away...the tears and trouble
When those lights flash, here that thunder roar...let your spirit soar
When that love comes, open up your door...stand on love and let it in
When that storm comes, don't run for cover...cuz' you can't keep a storm from comin'!
<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OguVb3uSZTs>

Spending time with family (especially quickly-growing nieces and nephews) made for a wonderful pre-exam break!

After a week of clinical rotations and exams, I look forward to visiting University of Iowa's Dental Public Health and Geriatric/Special Needs residency programs to gauge my fit as an NHSC Scholar. I am also excited to visit a childhood friend who moved to Nebraska in the past year...I supposed it better to visit her in blizzard weather than tornado weather : )

Along the side of the road

The fledgling I had tossed to the grass in the morning had made its way back to the side of the road.

The semester continues to steadily march onward! Here are a few snippets collected from the past few months:

It was a foggy and misty spring morning, just the kind you’d expect after a night of studying for final exams. As I prepared to make one of the sharpest turns of my commute, a fledgling bounced onto the middle of the road, just ten feet in front of me. My first instinct was to swerve my bike to avoid the bird, but in several seconds, I was making a round-about turn back to the helpless creature. Stopping in the middle of the road next to where the fledgling had landed, I got some funny looks from cars that rode around the peculiar scene. Scooping the bird up with a few twigs, I wondered what I ought to do with the misplaced creature. I had an exam to go to and couldn’t devote the day to understanding where he came from and how to resolve the dilemma. Placing the fledgling to a grassy spot 50 feet from the road where I found him, I continued my commute, hoping that it would remain there until my ride home in the evening.

I passed through Byrd Park and made my way to a back street paralleling the interstate. Approaching the assisted living facility along my route, I spotted a middle-aged African American whose greeting I’ve come to anticipate. Between 6am and 6:45am, he takes his morning smoke. Unless the weather is a lot cooler, he typically dresses in a white t-shirt and either sporty sweat pants or jeans. When he notices me approaching about 50 feet away, he often stretches his arms out in a star-fish pose and booms in a deep voice, “Gooood Morning!” In a different setting, his demeanor would suggest that he was a retired football player or lead basketball coach. I wave and offer a morning greeting as I ride on by, while he remains with his hands stretched out; I’ve wondered what might happen if I stopped to engage with my friend beyond a greeting...Would I try to resolve the mystery of why a seemingly healthy adult is residing in an assisted living facility? Would I simply respond to his star-fish pose with a bear hug and be on my way?

Upon my ride home that evening on a slightly different route, I encountered my morning greeter walking from one of the corner shops with a black bag in hand, which I assumed contained a supply of cigarettes that his pension allowed. He was very displeased with an old lady who slowly made a turn without allowing him to walk across the street. Making a somewhat intimidating advance at that car, he made his way to the other side just as I passed by on my bike. I did not want to show my discomfort with his frustration and signaled a greeting without looking at him by lifting up several fingers from my handlebars as I rode onward.

Reaching the bend at which I encountered the fledgling that morning, I spotted it dangerously close to the road, scrunched up as if it was cold or dehydrated. Horrified that it would only take a foot or two before a car could easily run over the bird, I parked my bike near the tree to which the fledgling likely belonged and wondered what I’d do. There were two dead adult birds on the side of the road, one of which had similar markings to the fledgling, making me assume that this bird was on its own for survival. With a little resistance I scooped it into my backpack using a twig with some leaves and rode home to give it some water. Spending an hour or so researching how to care for birds in this situation, I was discouraged that I may not find a definitive solution to the problem. Feeding it some more water, I resolved to return the bird to its original vicinity and let “nature take its course.” After all, I had a pharmacology exam to study for and couldn’t let fledglings falling into my path distract me.

 

The top of Esperanza Health Center boasts a great view of the city of Philadelphia

City Hall displays this plaque...the wish of the city's fore-fathers

Several weeks later, I visited a faith-based health center in Philadelphia, rooming with a nurse and dentist from the clinic who both lived in a rough neighborhood near the clinic. They told me about the rowdy 18-year old who seemed to constantly be at their house. They had met him when he fell out of the top story of his house and needed medical treatment. Since then, he’d considered himself adopted by the clinic and the two women. His interactions with them suggested a deprivation of attention and sense of being valued. They hoped that his deficit of feeling cared for would eventually become filled so that he could understand how to care for others.

Spending the evening in the Kensington neighborhood, I realized that the presence of drugs was what sustained the community, both economically and socially. As I headed out of the district on my car the next morning, I realized that it was not difficult to spot drugs being sold on one corner and administered on another. Even amidst this unpleasant reality, I valued the presence of people on the sidewalks, greeting one another, and children playing on the dusty streets. As I stopped at an intersection, I noticed who I thought was a teenager lying on the sidewalk, barefoot. I wondered if his parent would be concerned but realized within 30 seconds that this individual was an adult who was under the influence of some substance. He would get up from the ground, make a few incoherent steps, grip his head with both hands, and trip over to end up even closer to the street. Looking around to see if others were responding to the scene, I assumed that this was a normal occurrence. Hitting the lock button on my car door, I anticipated the stoplight turning to green so that I could continue my departure from the dusty and bewildering city.

­­­­­­­

Shakespeare might have been on to something...

These road-side encounters have made me wonder about Jesus’ itinerant ministry. He routinely interacted with strangers on levels that society had refused to. Jesus was also known to notice the sick and respond to them with healing as he traveled onward. I wonder what this might mean for us today as we participate in a fast-paced society that seldom facilitates unplanned encounters.

One author describes discipline (and he’s referring to the spiritual disciplines) as the way of creating space for God to do His work. As we commit our lives to be kingdom-builders, let us have eyes to see and ears to hear those that we encounter along the side of the road.

A speedy spring semester

I can hardly believe that I've not posted since February!! I feel as if I've been living in fast forward for the past five months and will flip through some moments from the spring that have been captured along the speedy route.

My lovely General Practice Group (GPG) during our White Coating Ceremony...it's been great to share the daily ups and downs of clinical practice with these colleagues and friends as we have transitioned into full-time clinical patient care

Part of the El Salvador dental team...It was wonderful to see some of the same patients and continue supporting the local initiatives that occur between our service trips

I brought back several beautiful art pieces from San Salvador

Cycling to school on frosty mornings were made cozy with a grandmother-made hat : ) 

East Richmond is a sobering region to cycle through

Collaborating with an Occupational Thearpy student, a classmate and I presented an oral health workshop at an assisted living facility in a struggling part of town

Meeting for a dental-OT workshop during which we exchanged discipline-specific information relating to caring for special needs populations, we realized the necessary interprofessional collaboration that caring for these complex individuals requires...we hope to continue this partnership in future semesters 

I completed my term as president for the Inter Health Professionals Alliance and am looking forward to staying on the executive team and am eager to see how the organization will continue to expand its initiatives 

Signs of spring were very encouraging in the uphill half of the semester

The capital in bloom

A friend had tagged along for the afternoon's pediatric dentistry lecture

My extraordinary mother sent me a Russian Easter loaf (Пасха)

Unexpected and sudden spring showers made for exhilarating commutes

Making mud-pies with my token nephew on a spare weekend

Between tests during final exam week, I participated in a Service Learning Institute and appreciated how effectively academic-community partnerships have the potential to work

Confessions of a dental student cyclist

I enjoyed attending the Music and Worship Leaders' Retreat in Laurelville, PA. Some insights gained in discerning the message that the 21st century church needs to hear: Humility is a life stance before God, the fruits of which are mercy and justice (reflecting our humility before all creation and our part within and alongside it, just as Christ once came to dwell with us). The opposite of faith is not doubt but rather certainty...embracing the gift of uncertainty allows us to move towards humility by faith (which is synonymous with risk: that vulnerability of relating our true selves with, as a part of, and alongside our Creator and His creation).

As the weather has gotten colder and occasionally snowy, I've thought about why I continue to ride my bicycle. I've been surprised at how comprehensively the decision affects so many aspects of my daily life. I'm glad to confirm that it's so much more than inertia that keeps me on my bike and will share my findings.

Byrd Lake has become one of my favorite landmarks along the daily commute. Stopping to take in the sunset after a busy week, I marveled at the ducks splashing on the forefront while the interstate buzzed in the background...Richmond has very quickly become my home. Cherishing the quiet moment and the mystery of peace that guards our hearts, a verse came to mind: The Lord is in His holy temple; let everyone on earth be silent in His presence (Habakkuk 2:20)

Convenience

When I first moved to Richmond in May 2012, I decided that I would attempt to adhere to the cycling habits that I’d developed during my final semester at EMU. Having lived the preceding four months without a car while on an internship in Latin America, I did not need convincing to evade the traffic and parking patterns of the city. I quickly appreciated the conveniences of yielding on red lights to avoid standing still in traffic and parking my bike adjacent to nearly every building rather than paying for parking blocks away from my destination. It had become easy to explain why I was so committed to commuting to school on bike.

 

Meeting the sunrise from a cozy lobby at a CMDA conference at Sandy Cove in Maryland...I hadn't anticipated how much I needed an encouraging reminder amongst colleagues that I am a Christian who happens to be a dental student--not the other way around.

Stewardship

As I entered the academic year and found less time to take a swim at the aquatic center or jog around my neighborhood, I realized that my mode of transportation enabled me to maintain some sort of regular exercise routine. When I notice myself panting as I rush up a hill, I consider how much sleep I’ve gotten, if I should make any dietary adjustments that might affect my health, or if I’d just gotten 'out of shape' over the weekend; I’m not sure that I would otherwise be prompted as often to consider how responsibly I care for my body if I didn't have to peddle up those hilly streets. Whether I take an unintentional whiff of car exhaust or feel raindrops tattering on my half-closed eyelids, I evaluate how am I respecting and caring for the creation around me. The speed of my daily commute allows me to take note of seasonal changes in the trees, lake, and occasional animals. I’ve appreciated this time for grounding myself in experiencing the natural course of things regardless of what might be happening in the realm of my little world, to which it is so easy to remain confined. Even if I don’t move beyond the circuitous experiences of the day’s business, I am able to pace my sorting to the intentional cadence of pedaling, often pausing the mental organization altogether to simply focus on the rhythm of cycling.

 

My father's desk wonderfully displays the integration of his seminary training and that in electrical engineering. I think I see a children's book, too...I wonder what combination of items I'll find on my book shelves someday

Solidarity

Several weeks after starting to discover Richmond on bike, I came to realize that I was less separated from the surroundings that rode past than if I was driving a car; that is, I was more likely to notice and often greet those on the sidewalks or gathered in front of buildings. Observing a different demographic of people along my route at various times of the day, I am coming to appreciate how a community fits together even if it is not conscious of or denies any direct links between its diverse parts. Occasionally feeling my sympathetic nervous system kicking into 'fight or flight' response at the encounter of a situation that I don't know quite what to expect from, or recently questioning how preposterous it must look to be riding in the snow, slush and ice, I have arrived at an alibi for my stubborn naivety: If there are those who don't have a choice but to walk or cycle to get around or must live and sleep in the streets, there is no reason why I should shy away from a daily commute of a meager ten-mile roundtrip. Especially when I cringe at how incompatible my life currently is with addressing various social injustices, I joyfully attribute my motivation for a commitment to cycling as a way of maintaining solidarity with individuals that may not have had the opportunities that I've been presented with. I hope that this awareness will allow me to continue setting up my life in a way that directly addresses injustices that I am currently not ready to respond to.

A wintery way home as the snow came into town...my shed-dwelling hybrid bike came in handy once the snow either froze over or became slushy the next morning.

I look forward to sharing about a service trip to El Salvador and attending the American Association for Dental Research meeting to present on microbiological research that I've been involved in during the past two summers. Until then, I'm diving under as the semester continues to gain momentum.

The School of Pharmacy has great views into East Richmond (had been reportedly better before the hospital expanded). The Museum of the Confederacy (shadowed roof in the lower right corner) continues to be cornered in with additional expansions on the concentrated medical campus...it makes for a fairly cozy place to pursue rigorous healthcare training.

'Tis the season...of grace

As I share some pictures from recent happenings throughout, I'd like to take time to pay tribute to some reflections from my final semester of undergraduate studies, which I stumbled upon during this winter break. I think the little pearls are relevant to themes of Nativity as well as my journey as an evolving health professional while I continually strive to follow in the steps of Jesus.

For a capstone senior seminar course on the theme of "Dealing with Suffering and Loss," I chose bagpipes to describe the way that I learned to experience God's grace that semester (I invite you to listen to the Scottish bagpipes while considering the analogy):

As I explain this analogy, I will use the sound of bagpipes and God's grace somewhat interchangeably.
To the untrained ear, this sound is irritating and annoying at first. Many people don't want to consider God's grace in their lives--We habitually receive grace in ignorance of it source, as if we are entitled to the giving. We are completely disoriented when we are given something that is not "good" in our sight and can't fit this into our assumptions of grace and God.
It takes practice to recognize the comfort and beauty of the sound of bagpipes. Listening to God's grace also takes some effort and discernment. If you are attentive at the start of a bagpipe melody, you will hear that the song begins with a stable drone that does not stop or change. It is grounded in one key and is not necessarily pleasant, compared to the transcending melody. However, so long as the drone is sustained, air can be used to play a melody, which conforms to the key of the drone to create an integrated sound.
I see the drone of a bagpipe as our humanity. So long as we are alive, we experience the stable drone of mortality--the suffering and endless human limitations that make up the most personal and universal realities of human existence. This limitation or absence meets the presence or sufficiency of God through his amazing grace. Although circumstances don't change, we are able to play a song of gratitude, joy, and hope, knowing that the drone is what sustains this song.
Grace is a beautiful connection between humanity and God. Through my analogy, I suggest that we find comfort through accepting our humanity (our innate tendency towards loss, change, and suffering) only in the presence and acknowledgement of God's arms extended to embrace humanity--that is, his grace.

A clear autumn day in late November

The Inter Health Professionals Alliance hosted a social at a local art gallery in Cary Town

A gingko tree alley in my neighborhood

Bookstore outing with my oldest niece over Thanksgiving Break

A tree-lit room (along with the aroma of an evergreen)

My upstairs room was decorated with candle lights

I enjoyed visiting the Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden light festival in town with some friends and their toddlers

We first thought the mushrooms were jelly-fish : )

The "birds and the bees" tree at the GardenFest 

Clay nativity figures on the church window sills

This year's Advent Wreath symbolizes the wilderness and chaos into which we expect the light of our Savior's birth to come, offering reconciliation and healing into a transformed life

Several excerpts from reflections on the course readings and guest lectures that are still powerful for me today:

Fear, as described by Nouwen [in Turn My Mourning into Dancing], is power. It is caused by sensing the loss of control and moves us to cling to doing something to alleviate the disruption caused by loss. This "fulcrum of anxiety" allows us to choose the direction of action. Nouwen suggests that Christ calls us from fear to love, a love of communion with him and others, for "such love overcomes the fear that separates us. Such love allows us to let go of our little fears." Nouwen proposes that when we move from fear to love, "we will live in a world without zealously defended borders." This love will "soothe our compulsions to hoard and pretend we can organize the future." Fear, in Nouwen's discourse, may keep one isolated during loss. To move towards love, he develops, is discipline: "the concentrated effort to create some space in our lives where the Spirit of God can touch us, guide us, speak to us, and lead us to places that are unpredictable, where we are no longer in control." This definition is counter-intuitive in our society as a disciplined person is often thought of one who exerts a lot of control and will-power over his/her life. Nouwen promises that through this vulnerability, "we find in those risky acts something wonderfully beyond what we could have done on our own, by ourselves, without God."[....] What I have begun to uncover is that adequacy is not how well I am able to contain and hold on to my life with my bare hands, but rather how well I am able to extend this life (full of flaws and struggles though it may be) to interact with others in my joys, hardships, and sorrows.
[....]
Nouwen suggests that orientation from fatalism to hope requires focusing on a "precious center." He begins by saying, "For those who have eyes to see and ears to hear, much in our fleeting lives is...eternal." He explains that the presence of the Holy Spirit is revolutionary to our temporary lives as it allows for "spiritual life--the nurturing of the eternal amid the temporal." Nouwen urges us to "remember that at the heart of reality rests the love of God itself." Focusing on the precious center by faith "creates in us a new willingness to let God's will be done." This action allows us to have hope, whose basis, "has to do with the One who is stronger than life and suffering," and "faith opens up to God's sustaining, healing presence." Resisting this direction, one can opt for fatalism, which "reinforces our tenacious grip on the old" and prevents us from entrusting God with our loss, rejecting the hopeful journey towards healing. Hope, the avenue towards healing, begins with trust, which "born of faith becomes matured and purified through difficulty." Thus, focusing on the eternal seems crucial to beginning the journey towards orientation and healing.
[...]
Sittser [in A Grace Disguised] suggests that regret is "an unavoidable result of any loss" and that the "darker side of grief...forces us to recognize the incompleteness of life and admit our failures." This initial bout of regrets allows us to choose to continue this cycle of regret and "allow one loss to lead to another," which "causes gradual destruction of the soul," that Sittser terms "the second death." Alternatively, one can transcend the loss and seek "personal transformation" by redemption through grace. Sittser offers that struggle with regretful and destructive emotions allows us to realize that "the feeling self is not the center of reality. God is the center of reality." The next step, surrendering to God, frees us from the cycle of destructive feelings and begins the journey towards healing. As "an opportunity to take inventory of our lives," loss allows us to focus on what really matters, the "precious center" of eternity, as described by Nouwen. Similar to Nouwen's description of hope, Sittser admits, "grace will not erase the loss or alter its consequences. Grace cannot change the moral order...but grace will bring good out of a bad situation." Responding to regret in the right way by receiving grace allows us to accept "divine forgiveness," which "leads to self-forgiveness" and aids in the healing and new-orientation process.
[...]
Few individuals have the privileged opportunity to seek out their vocational calling. [...] Whereas most college students are initially alienated when leaving their home to pursue an education, the alienation I that I have experienced has been gradual. The peculiarity lies in that I am alienated without ever moving out of my home; that is, I am farther from home each day that I come home from school. After nearly two and a half years at EMU, I am finally experiencing "at home" episodes in my classes, while I feel nearly completely foreign in the pre-college community in which I still engage. My summer cross-cultural experience in Lithuania made me challenge indirect vocational goals that I'd initially known (that work was to provide financial resources on which to live). Discovering that life was too short to simply work and spend, I demanded that my endeavors have meaning and purpose for me as well as those around me. Seeing the utility of an inquiring mind in my biological training as useful for any aspect of life, I am reluctant to leave the scientific community and hope that I can find a niche that utilizes my scientific self while I develop a care-taking and craftsman self. The greatest way in which my undergraduate career has influenced the way I incarnate my vocational calling is that I focus less on the action or the way it satisfies me and more on how my actions fit into "the larger picture" of the lives around me and the "larger picture of life" overall, as Nouwen describes incorporating loss. Dental school, I hope, will be a great place to continue asking the questions, "What is the point of what I'm doing here?" and "How am I affecting those around me and across the globe, as well as outside of this time-frame?"

Landing onto the Eastern Iowan flatlands after completing an arduous two weeks of eleven final exams to visit friends as well as a public health dental residency program as well as a geriatric and special needs dental fellowship.

On my way into Iowa City, I couldn't pass by this enchanting village

I think the bakery door says "for good health," a common Slavic saying in lieu of "you're welcome" 

Still up for an adventure on the crisp Iowan afternoon after ten hours of travel

The National Czech and Slovak Museum and Library closed just fifteen minutes after I discovered it, but I still enjoyed seeing some familiar cultural/historical items

The gift shop sold festive Christmas ornaments that remind me of our Kazakh "tree of the New Year"

Enamel-covered metal dish-ware was a Soviet staple. I recall our token metal mug being used as a bath pitcher, tea kettle, porridge pot, etc 

Another gift shop in the village

I believe this bench says "I welcome you"...it's more similar to Ukranian than Russian, though

Several excerpts from a pre-professional health internship course that still challenges my understanding of being a health professional:

Egan [in Living Professionalism: Reflections on the Practice of Medicine] suggests that intense competition in medical schools and residencies results in delayed moral development (or even degradation of morals) as well as a decline in commitment and responsibility. She argues that "this fierce competition may restrict students' ability to attain life-enriching experiences, thus reducing or eliminating risk-taking endeavors that have the potential to negatively impact their transcripts."
[...]
Downing [in his preface to Death and Life in America: Biblical Healing and Biomedicine] captures the reader with a narrative of his mother's medical treatments and eventual death. At the end of the story (in which his mother's narrative is unresolved), he indirectly invites the reader to draw a conclusion, looking for metaphor, not reductionist mechanism. He writes: "It's as if she renounced the means of connecting with the world when she no longer understood that world or had anything to offer it." This statement doesn't altogether make sense in the context of modern/western medicine as the patient is usually viewed as a victim of disease and has no choice. Downing suggests that his mother was distanced from her (natural) world by means of the medical biotechnology on which she depended: Each time that she encountered natural weakness, she was able to rush to medical technology for the solution...until the solutions ran out as technological progression reached its dead end. In representing medical technology as a shadow, it could be said that Downing's mother became continually more independent from being human until she couldn't any longer commune with that human world.
[...]
We would like to be comfortable without having to make hard choices, so we allow our lifestyle, food, and eventual health choices to be made for us, keeping us dependent on the decision-maker: biomedicine. Downing asserts that "as long as statistics work, we use them; we are an evidence-based discipline. As long as fatal wounds are healed, we follow the healer." To suggest that this may not be right, he explains that "evidence for us confers authority; our biomedical method does not need a proximal or spiritual authority. We follow what works. We apparently no longer believe we can be deceived."
[...]
Downing notes, "We have found ways of eliminating the disease without eliminating the source, which really means that we can eliminate only the symptoms of the disease in the person since we haven't gotten to the source." He argues, though, that "the roots of disease are never in the mechanisms" and that the reality is that not all ailments have cures and that the autonomy of ailments should perhaps be respected instead of controlled. Developing this thought, Downing explains that "biomedicine does to healing what the Pharisees did to the Sabbath-keeping, shrinking it from a rich gift to a technique they could control." He notes that "biomedical 'miracles' work best when we biomedical practitioners control everything or, for chronic disease care, when our patients internalize that control." In this framework, "biomedicine, like the Pharisees, has no real Sabbath connecting it with the source of Life, only Sabbath regulations." The result is that instead of holistic healing, the product is mechanistic control over the effects of the neglected root cause. Downing observes with awe as a Navajo Indian behaves "not [as] a passive patient, but [as] an active participant in his own healing ceremony." This sort of doctoring creates a meaning in technique and meaning for the individual, whether the disease is alleviated or not--healing is so much more than just "fixing the problem!" [below is a TedTalk titled "the Doctor's Touch" that is relevant]

The Old Capital building with its gold dome, now part of the University of Iowa. The scarf-covered trees are a neat idea, but I wonder about how much similar care and attention the downtown corner-stationed homeless receive.

Before visiting two dental residency programs in Iowa City, I was able to attend an informational meeting regarding a co-housing community developing in the city

The co-housing community plans to build on this hill, just a mile from the downtown medical campus!

The Big White House on a Luminaria Aisle of Lights tour with my host and her mentees. The historic house is said to have quarantined TB patients and had once served as a boot-leggers' hide-out during the prohibition era. Now a house church owns the building and opens it up for the town as a space for meditation and community events.

Over 30,000 white paper sacks are filled with sand and candles and light the community for an annual event in Coralville, Iowa since 1980...the tradition stems from a Spaniard merchant and Chinese intersection and has been adopted by the Roman Catholic Church as an expression of the hope of "guiding the Spirit of the Christ child to one's home"  

A mini peace pole at my hosts' home including a Russian and English message

Enjoying an evening stroll with my nieces and their cousins on the EMU campus, a few blocks from their home

My mom, nephew and niece in search for elves under the mushrooms on the Christmas log cake

Baby Lisa, sweetly sleeping and growing. Her mom coos her in Spanish and her grandmother in Russian. I'm not sure if I'll choose one or the other...or defer to English like her dad. In any case, this young lady has an enormous capacity to be trilingual!

And so I begin 2014 and a new spring semester at the dental school. It is hard to believe that in a few short months (Lord willing!) I will have completed half of my dental training. In the coming semester and year, I hope to continue seeking out that which has been prepared for me to do (Eph 2:10).